Aragorn the Smelly
by leggy-stinks
Summary: *Completed* Aragorn-the-Smelly becomes Aragorn-as-Clean-as-a-Penny? From the author of Kill Legolas. Enjoy! :)
1. Eewww! Aragorn is SO smelly!

**Disclaimer:  **Aragorn and co. belong to their creator, Tolkien.

**A/N:**  Aragorn is my favorite character, in the book and in the movie.  I just want everyone to understand that before you read this rhyme, and that I'm just teasing him.  If I hated him, then I would humiliate him and then kill him off, like I did to Legolas. ^_^  Now onto the rhyme!  And please excuse the title. :)     

                                           **Aragorn-the-Smelly becomes Aragorn-as-Clean-as-a-Penny ?**

                                                                            The fellowship minus one

                                                                            Decided to have some fun.

                                                                                They formulated a plan

                                                                          Involving a certain smelly Man.

                                                                      Many an idea each had thought up,

                                                              Which to each other they all had brought up.

                                                                   They decided to stick with only the best,

                                                                      Afterwards chucking out all of the rest.

                                                          Their plan was to lead Aragorn down a clean path,

                                                             The first step of which was to give him a full bath.

                                                               Indeed they would find it highly daunting a task,

                                                     For decades had passed since Aragorn had taken a bath last.

                                                                        Greasy described Aragorn's hair,

                                                           For grease was it covered with in many a layer.

                                                                     Foul smells abound whenever he's near,

                                                           Foul enough for eyes to well up with many a tear.

                                                          This is why Aragorn was in dire need of a cleaning.

                                        And so the fun begins, the members a-beaming and their eyes a-gleaming.

**A/N:**  Thanks to everyone who reads this!  I hope you enjoyed the first part of this poem.  I know I enjoyed writing it! :)  Please review.  And before I go, I'd just like to say:

ARAGORN'S THE BEST!!!  And elf-boy (I'm talking about oh-so-pretty Leggy, of course) STINKS!!!  BWAA-HA-HA-HA!!!  


	2. We all hate Legolas!

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Disclaimer : I do not own Aragorn, Legolas, Pippin (although I do wish I could own two of them, and I don't think you have to guess which two), or any of the other members of the fellowship. They belong to Tolkien.

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Aragorn the Smelly Becomes Aragorn-as-Clean-as-a-Penny? Part II

Legolas and company were eager to act out their plan

On what they hoped was an unknowing man.

They quietly disengaged themselves from the bush they had hidden behind

Upon detection of their target seemingly absorbed in the depths of his mind. 

Legolas and the rest crept over unnoticed halfway,

When a snicker from Pippin gave them away.

Violently shaken from a deep concentration,

Aragorn's eyes widened in consternation.

He turned around quickly to identify his foes,

Shocked to find his companions a few inches from his nose.

A look of horror on his face poor Aragorn wore,

For the evil gleam in their eyes he simply could not ignore.

A tell-tale sign of trickery, thought the ranger in his head,

Hoping against all hope this trick would not leave him dead.

What are you planning, he wondered aloud;

Why, nothing, dear ranger, Legolas avowed.

But Aragorn was not as naive as they thought,

And he demanded to know what evil plan they had wrought.

A deadly silence followed and his chances of escaping looked dim,

As he found the others moving closer and closer to him.

He backed up cautiously as they slowly advanced,

And every so often behind him he glanced.

Aragorn stopped abruptly when he found himself at the edge of a lake,

And from then on, no matter how desperately he tried, his fear he simply could not shake.

His eyes grew impossibly wide as he stared into the large body of water,

And, rather than falling in, he thought it more pleasant if him they should slaughter.

Aragorn was deathly afraid of the thought of falling in,

For, although a brave ranger he be, one thing he lacked was the ability to swim.

Aragorn dared not tell anyone that he could not swim,

And if he bathed in the lake for him surviving was slim,

For if he did surely at him the others would laugh

And consider him less than a man, of one not even half.

Unfortunately for him while these thoughts he was thinking,

He felt himself being pushed in the lake and quickly found himself sinking.

Aragorn flailed his arms trying to save himself from dying,

And in the process sent Legolas in the air flying.

Into the lake, unconscious, Legolas plopped.

Onto the back of Legolas, Aragorn instantly hopped.

Aragorn emerged from the water as clean as a penny and planted his feet firmly on the ground,

And then he and the others joyfully looked on as unconscious Legolas drowned.

Aragorn and the rest congratulated themselves as they walked off feeling very fulfilled,

For unbeknownst to him, this whole thing was actually a plan to get Legolas killed.

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The End

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A/N : Well, I hope you enjoyed the ending of this rhyme. I'm sorry that I killed off Legolas...I didn't mean to, but that's just what my mind produced, so... But really, I like it this way a lot better. DIE, LEGOLAS!!!! ^_^ Well, thanx for reading and an extra thanx to those who review! :)

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Kazlitt : Oh, I'm really glad you thought it was funny! I didn't really know it was or not, so thanx so much for reviewing and telling me that! :)

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Krazy Writer : Thanx for reviewing! Are you happy that not only did I make Aragorn clean and make elf-boy stinky, but I made Aragorn clean and elf-boy die! Well, I hope you enjoyed that cuz I know I did. Hehe :) And your fic was very VERY funny!!! :) Thanx for reviewing! :)

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Oddwen : Awww...you think movie Aragorn stunk? Well, at least you only think he's ALMOST as bad as Leggy and not as bad, right? Hehe :) But, yeah, book Aragorn is my favorite character! :) Thanx for the review! :) I'm glad you liked my poem. :)

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Menegliniel : You liked it? Really? I'm so glad! Thanks so much for reviewing! ^_^

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Salysha : Oh, this is definitely not Aragorn bashing...just a little Aragorn teasing...tee-hee :) But I hope this one is better cuz elf-boy dies! :) But I really had some Tolkien in my poem? Cool! Thanks for reviewing, Salysha! :)

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Collie Girl : Hehe :) Yeah, I'm sure he doesn't stink that bad, but it's fun teasing him. :) Yeah, I really love Aragorn, so... But you would think everyone liked elf-boy, wouldn't you? But actually, I know that there are plenty who hate him just like me! :) Thank you for reading and reviewing! :)

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Ellabel : Hehe :) Blasphemy, eh? Well, I like being blasphemous! :) And I hope this part is even more blasphemous than the first part! :) Thanks so much for reviewing! I really appreciate it! :)


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